


Semper Ad Meliora

by HeartOfStars



Series: Whatever It Takes [2]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Gen, POV Steve Rogers, Past Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Platonic Relationships, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Protective Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, T'Challa (Marvel) Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-24
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2021-01-02 12:49:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21161927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartOfStars/pseuds/HeartOfStars
Summary: After the fight with Tony at the end of Civil War, Bucky breaks the news to Steve that he's going under. Part two of the Whatever It Takes series.Latin meaning: "always onward to better things"





	Semper Ad Meliora

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CassiaBaneberry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CassiaBaneberry/gifts).

> Both of the later two parts were written after I saw Endgame, so the Thor one is the only one that doesn't match up.

_ “My father made that shield! You don’t deserve it!” _

Tony’s biting words still rang in Steve’s head hours later, as he sat next to Bucky on the jet to Wakanda. He’d gotten so used to putting things in the past, to simply moving on, that he’d forgotten how good Tony was at making him feel inadequate. The man could be almost dead, but he’d still have the strength to throw out barbs until he passed out. Initially, that was what had really set Steve off about Tony. Coming straight from an era where you had to fight tooth and nail for every claim you made about yourself, it had seemed idiotic at best, cruel at worst. 

But eventually, especially after all the time Steve had spent with Natasha, he’d come to like that about Tony. Tony Stark, more so than Howard, was a man who would never stop fighting, not for one second. And then, just like that, Steve had realized they had that in common. 

And now, once again, he was back to hating it--because it had made him choose. The shield or Bucky? The shield--a gift from Peggy, the love of his life--or Bucky, the friend he’d had since high school? It had never been about the shield; he didn’t care about that, beyond it being a way to defend others. It hadn’t been about Howard, either, and that was what Tony still didn’t  _ get  _ about him. 

It was the fact that that shield was all he had left of Agent Peggy Carter, aside from the faded picture. But Peggy was gone now, so he had chosen Bucky; he could only choose Bucky now. 

Bucky was all he had left. 

But that didn’t make Tony’s insult any better. Especially since it came from the wrong place.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Bucky said quietly. 

Steve looked at him. For a while, neither of them spoke, but they didn’t have to. Steve could see all the sadness, and guilt, and self-loathing in Bucky’s eyes, and he was sure Bucky saw all the regret Steve was facing: regret for what had happened in the past, regret that he and Tony had had to fight, regret that the Avengers were gone, regret that he hadn’t been there, hadn’t been able to stop Bucky from becoming the Winter Soldier in the first place. 

“I think I did, Buck,” he said at last. “I couldn’t just leave you there.” 

Bucky nodded slowly, staring out at the clouds. T’Challa was a skilled pilot; so far there hadn’t been a single spot of turbulence. Steve had fought him for most of the last week, but he had to admire what a soldier the Wakandan king would make: he was stoic, had a good heart, fought for the right things, was honest, relentless…

And, of course, the most important: he’d faced tremendous loss. 

“How’d you know?” Bucky asked him. 

Know? Oh, of course; the obvious. What Bucky had been made to do to Tony’s parents.

“Well, I didn’t know it was you,” Steve said. “But you know that. Right before I pulled you out, a couple of years ago, Natasha Romanoff and I were following Hydra’s trail; it led us to the bunker where I trained. Turns out Zola survived, after whatever he did to you.”

Bucky didn’t say anything. But his right hand, the surviving one, clenched into a fist, and that was enough. 

“I don’t need to tell you what he told us; I’m sure you’ve had enough of him.” Bucky nodded, looking numb. “But he did show us that Hydra had had a hand in assassinations. There was an image of Howard...that meant that Hydra had done it. That was all I knew until today.” Steve looked across at Bucky, who was still staring ahead. “I didn’t know it was you.”

“Steve…” Bucky turned to look at him, and the  _ hurt  _ in his eyes made Steve want to rewind the clock and kill Zola himself. “Steve, you’re not gonna want to hear this.”

“I’ve heard a lot of things today, Buck,” Steve said. 

Bucky nodded, slowly. “Well, I think I need to go under.”

“Under?” Steve echoed. Maybe he’d spoken too soon. “Under what?”

Bucky didn’t explain; he only kept looking at Steve, the sorrow growing. “You know what I mean, Steve.” 

Under. Under the ice, just like he’d done as the Winter Soldier, for years, until he was  _ needed  _ again, like an asset. Bucky thought he was too dangerous. 

“Yes. I know what you mean.” 

Bucky sighed. Who knew what was going on in his brain? Part of it had to be sadness, for what had happened; but part of it also must be memories of the things he’d done as the Winter Soldier...and another part must be whatever was left of his programming. 

Oh. That’s why he wanted to go under. 

“Are you sure?”

Bucky relaxed his fist, which so far had remained clenched at his side. 

“Steve, I haven’t been sure of anything in seventy years,” he said quietly. His eyes were the same as they’d been back in 1943, but so different...now they were haunted, thousands of years older. “I’m sure about this.” 

Steve wanted to tell him no; to stay with him, keep Bucky by his side, help his friend himself. But Bucky had tried to kill him, twice. If there was a bad day, who knew what might happen? 

“I just want to be free,” Bucky whispered. Steve’s head snapped up. Did Bucky know he’d said it aloud? It didn’t sound as though it was meant for Steve, but it very well could be. He’d thought about Bucky, every day, for two years, trying to come up with a plan...but somehow that idea had never entered into his brain, that Bucky was still a prisoner, of his own mind. 

_ The price of freedom is high. It always has been. _

He’d said that two years ago, just before taking on the hardest fight of his life. He still stuck by it, even now; and those words had never been more true. 

He’d been selfless since he could remember, fighting a fight for the people; but now, just when he’d hoped he could do one selfish thing and keep Bucky near him, he realized it wasn’t the right thing to do. Going under was right for Bucky, not for him; and he couldn’t matter right now. 

“We are ready to land,” T’Challa said, emerging from the cockpit. “I have set a course for the capital, and we should be able to get in safely.”

“Thanks, Your Majesty,” Steve said. “You’ve been a great help. But I have one more favor to ask, if you don’t mind.” 

T’Challa raised an eyebrow, but didn’t argue. “And what might that be, Captain?”

“Do you happen to know the best cryogenics facility?”

Bucky looked over at Steve, gratitude in his eyes. He didn’t speak; but once again, the look in his eyes was enough. 

Steve nodded back.  _ Anytime, Bucky.  _

T’Challa smiled; a real smile, more than Steve had ever seen from him. “Actually, Captain, I do...and I also have access to it. But we will have to be careful.”

Steve frowned. “Why’s that?”

“Because my sister can be very stubborn about the kinds of people she treats.” T’Challa waved them forward. “Come join me, both of you; unlike most people, you will soon see Wakanda in its true glory.” 

Steve and Bucky stood together. As T’Challa reentered the cockpit, Bucky put his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“It won’t be forever, Steve,” he said. “You know that.”

“Of course I do,” he said. “Who knows? Maybe the Wakandans can heal you.” 

A slow, soft smile slid across Bucky’s face. “Maybe. That would be nice.” The look in his eyes became mischievous. “Then we’ll take a trip to Coney Island.”

“This time you’ll be the one throwing up,” Steve teased. “Come on, Buck, let’s go see Wakanda.”

EIGHT YEARS LATER

_ Not bad...for the end of the world.  _

_ Steve?  _

“Oh, God.” 

_ But what if we could enter it at a certain point in time, and exit at a different point in time...before Thanos?  _

At first, Steve had thought that Tony was going to be his old self; tell him they couldn’t do it, tell him they were hoping for too much. And that was exactly what he’d told him. 

But then, against all odds, Tony had shown up...with the shield, no less. 

Peggy’s last gift. 

Maybe it was too much to hope for; that since Tony was back, and the fight in Germany was mostly behind them, that it meant they’d succeed. But Tony’s role in the Avengers was the cynic leader; Steve was the weary optimist, always hoping for more despite everything he’d seen. He’d always hope for more; and the last time, they’d been separated and had lost. Maybe this time...maybe this time they’d win, since they were together.

And then he could see Sam Wilson again; Sam, who’d become a new kind of strength for him, keeping Steve believing in himself. Or T’Challa, too honest for his own good(as Steve used to be) but who Steve could always depend on, no matter the situation. Or Peter, that kid who’d given Steve hope for the future. Or Wanda, whose history was too similar to his but still kept fighting; like Carol but softer…

And...

_ The little guy from Brooklyn who was too dumb not to run away from a fight? I’m following him. _

And Bucky. 

Steve hadn’t thought about him in years; immediately after, he stopped himself from thinking about Bucky constantly, to keep himself from feeling...and eventually he’d just gotten used to it. But now, now even the possibility that he could see Bucky for even a few seconds, the million-to-one odds...could it be?

He wanted to believe it. 

And he knew it would be hard; it had to be. Thanos had an iron will, and he’d shown it numerous times. But he wasn’t the only one with that kind of will. There was Thor, who hadn’t been seen in years but who had come closest to defeating Thanos. There was Tony, who’d faced Thanos in New York and come back alive, who’d taken on the name Iron Man…

And then there was the kid from Brooklyn. 

He’d do anything for his best friend. Even beyond death, they were with each other to the end of the line. Not even Thanos could tear them apart. 

They could do it; Steve knew they could. And they would. 

_ Whatever it takes. _


End file.
